Anyone who knows me knows that I love my friend Kelly’s kids as if they were my own.  She has three under the age of four, and continually amazes with her ability to always answer their questions, wipe their noses, make their lunch and play games with them, all the while listening to me on the phone about such important topics as the sandwich I made for lunch, why my cats are difficult to maintain, and how I am tired after only six hours of sleep, never once mentioning that she has THREE CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF FOUR, one of whom is a newborn and only lets her rest for four hours at a time, if she’s lucky.

So tomorrow is her baby’s christening, and I went over there today to help set up tables and tents and run errands and such.  Her three year old, one of the lights of my life, was hanging out with us, playing with his cars on the tables we’d just set up.  It was hot, sticky, and nasty outside, and that was pretty much how we felt, as well.  Well, being three, he was a little whiny and upset about the bugs that were flying into our ears, nose, and throat with alarming accuracy.  After telling him several times just to go inside cause the bugs weren’t going to go away, we had this conversation.

‘Auntie Courtney, why are there so many bugs?”

“I don’t know, honey, cause it’s icky outside.  Why don’t you go in?”

“But I don’t WANNA.  Make it stop.”

“I CAN’T.  That’s just what happens outside.  Go in by Grandma and the bugs won’t bother you.”  (Getting at the end of my patience.  I’m hot, sweaty, and hungry.  Not a good combination.)

“But Auntie Courtney, why are they by me?  Why won’t they leave me alone?”

“Because, Billy, they like to bite little boys.”

And he looks at me, with those beautiful, trusting little eyes, lower lip trembling, and says, “But Mommy says it’s because they want to say hello to me.”

Me (avoiding the look that my best friend is giving me that says, “You really are an asshole”)  “That’s right, Bill.  Don’t pay any attention to Auntie Courtney; she’s silly.  Mommy is RIGHT.”

I think I need more practice before having any of my own.  Perhaps fish are more my speed?