I did a post a while back about the top searches on Yahoo! and how maybe, just a little, this is why other countries hate us.  Very rarely are they related to politics or war or hunger or poverty or – well, the list goes on and on, but safe to say they’re generally a little too Kardashian-based to warrant actual news or current events.  That’s not to say they’re not interesting search terms, but seeing what hundreds of thousands of people apparently search on a daily basis never fails to intrigue me.  Today’s was one of the more abstract I’d seen in quite a while, so I decided to share.

Here’s a few of the top searches from today.

Nude Beach Shut Down

First of all, is anyone else a little concerned that the nation’s top nude beach is in Mazomanie, WISCONSIN???  Don’t get me wrong, I love Wisconsin.  I love my family there, I love camping, I love Summerfest, I love fishing.  But nude beaching it?  In Wisconsin?  Have I missed something?  Is a Midwest state where it’s only warm enough to even be on a beach like seven times a year really the go-to spot for nudists?  If that’s not curious enough – the nude beach has apparently only been shut down on weekdays, as that’s when the majority of “shenanigans,” ensue.  Apparently, 83 of the 92 citations issued in the past four years have been on weekdays.  On one hand, I’m thinking maybe I’ve been in Chicago too long, as 92 citations in four years seems extremely low, considering we have nearly as many murders every two months here.  On the other, I have to ask – if you are arrested on a nude beach in Mazomanie, Wisconsin, on a Tuesday afternoon, where exactly is your rock bottom?  That has to be it, amirite??

Vonn Waits in Car

Apparently Lindsey Vonn showed up with her “boyfriend” Tiger Woods at his daughter’s baseball game, but instead of walking in the arm of her new man proudly, she stayed in the car for an hour to avoid seeing Tiger’s ex-wife.  Is it just me, or is this guy the dumbest person, like, ever?  Don’t you have publicity people?  And do they not realize that hiding your girlfriend in the car is going to garner more attention that showing up unobtrusively and watching the game?  I get not being ready to have them both in the same place, but having her sit in the car like a dog or naughty child seems relatively counterproductive to your image. Also, honey?  Just start running now.  You’re pretty, you’re smart, you’re talented – you do not need to be this jackhole’s arm candy.   If it was you who wanted to wait in the car – you are not ready for the scrutiny your relationship is going to garner.  If it was his idea?  I repeat, he’s a jackhole.  Start running.  Nothing good is coming from this.

R. Kelly Mansion Loss

The rapper’s home apparently was sold recently, in foreclosure, for a reported $4 million dollars less than it was worth.  I’m going to skip over the fact that someone who had enough money to take out a $4 million mortgage and who “Isn’t having money problems,” according to his financial advisor, isn’t paying his bills because it makes me want to eat my own head.  My question is more – why is this news?  The man has a video of himself peeing on adolescents.  (Yes, yes, he was acquitted.  So was O.J.)  He’s clearly not the brightest crayon in the box.  Are we really surprised that he didn’t balance his books properly or invest his money wisely?

Cheerleader Stretcher

This has been on the list all day long and I was finally curious enough to look at it.  An Atlanta Hawks cheerleader fell on her head in the middle of a performance last night and had to be carted off the court on a stretcher.  Um, hello?  Is this really that interesting?  I fall down ALL THE TIME.  Seriously, someone should follow me around with a camera; it’d be like YouTube gold.  Not long ago, I slipped on some ice and simultaneously hit my head on a glass door – it was a far more entertaining fall than this one was.  That being said, if I am ever to garner unwanted publicity, I sincerely hope that the most interesting thing someone says about me is better than what was said about Kristen here, which was “She’s obsessed with oatmeal creme pies.”  Fucking seriously?  That’s the only defining characteristic you can come up with?  She likes COOKIES???  I hope she gets out of the hospital and immediately punches/disowns the person that gave that information to the reporter.

So there we have it, folks.  The most interesting things that happened today involved a cheerleader falling, a rapper losing a house, a philanderer continuing to be a dick, and a nude beach in Wisconsin.  Way to go, internet!!!