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The Best Social Media Arguments Against Gay Marriage

For anyone who may have missed the memo, today the Supreme Court heard arguments regarding Proposition 8, marking what I hope will be the beginning of a historic turning point in our society.  Never is social media so prevalent than when a hot-button issue is raised, and today was certainly no exception.  Facebook “turned red,” in support, with hundred of thousands of supporters changing their profile picture to a red equal sign, and Twitter’s hashtag of #gaymarriage was certainly the most trending topic.  It’s no secret I’m a supporter, and after coming across this fabulous post I wanted to add my own two cents to some of the arguments that popped up across various social media websites throughout the day.  Mostly because dumb people are funny.

***If you don’t agree with gay marriage, you probably want to just stop here.  You’re certainly entitled to your opinion, but I think it’s stupid, and that’s the nicest way I can say it.***

From an article in Nacogdoches County, Texas 

“A marriage is between a man and a woman and they’re trying to take a situation that doesn’t constitute marriage and have rights on that,” said Shelia Anthony.

  • Well that there’s a good sentence, ain’t it Shelia?  I like that nowhere here is there any reasoning, supporting argument, or sentence structure.  And that her momma apparently couldn’t spell “Sheila.”

“If you were to put men on one island and woman on another island eventually the world would die off,” said Ethan Yates.

  • Yes, and if you put cats on one island and dogs on the other you’d have two islands with only cats and dogs.  And if we ran out of water, we’d also die.  And if dinosaurs came back, we’d probably die too.  And if a meteor hit Earth, again, DEAD.  Also, in your particular situation, if we put men on island and “woman,” on another island, which actually means only one woman, that would just be cruel and unusual punishment.  But assuming you meant all the women in the world on one island and all the men another – hey Ethan?  We fucking discovered Earth was round, we discovered electricity, we invented the internet which allows your dumb opinion to be read by hundreds, we have people in SPACE; I guaran-goddam-tee the men and women would find each other’s island.  Also, kudos on coming up with a realistic situation that totally translates well to your strong argument against gay marriage.

Here are some comments from Yahoo! users in response to this article regarding today’s hearings.

“People, you are all missing the main point!! Thje The only reason participants in marriage, (traditional marriage,) were given certain “rights” was because they provide the best environment in which to raise children. It IS that simple! Laws on inheretence inheritance, hospital visitation, etc., can be changed but the fundamental privaleges privileges of marriage should be reserved for marriages consisting of one man and one woman because that is what’s best for the children that might be created. Same-sex marriages do not provide the same benefit to society and thus should not be afforded the same privaleges privileges. It IS that simple.”

  • Now that we’ve fixed your grammar and made this an almost coherent paragraph, I’m kind of too tired to point out that if I had to guess, while I’m sure you believe your spawn are the greatest benefit to society since your husband Jimmy Bob was created, they’re probably going to grow up to be assholes.  And I can point out about four hundred marriages off the top of my head that are surely of ZERO benefit to society.  All of Rush Limbaugh’s (traditional, sacred, marriages) come to mind.

“Gay marriage should be handled at the state level. If you’re gay and want to get married, move to a state where it’s legal. If you don’t agree with gay marriage, move to a state where it’s illegal. Simple as that.”

  • Interesting.  I would imagine there were a lot of people back in the day that said the same thing about segregation, women’s rights, and interracial marriage.  Don’t say it’s not the same thing.  IT IS THE SAME THING.

“And GOD said, though shall NOT sleep with another man.  Case closed.”

  • I’m ignoring the fact that this guy got the verse completely wrong.  His misguided point comes across and it’s my favorite.  The old standby that every opponent of gay rights ultimately falls back on, seeing as they don’t have any actual reasoning behind their ignorance.  The Bible also says if a woman isn’t a virgin when she is married she can be stoned to death.  It forbids tattoos and rounded haircuts, folks.  I’m not saying the Good Book isn’t good; however, the possibility that it’s slightly outdated in some respects really needs to be considered.
Which side do you want to tell your grandkids you were on??

Which side do you want to tell your grandkids you were on??

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This Might Be Why Other Countries Hate Us, America.

I’m sorry, but isn’t there a relatively important election coming up?  Did the East Coast not just get hit with the biggest storm that it has ever seen?  Are there not millions of people without power?  Isn’t Honey Boo Boo still on television?  I must be misinformed, because according to the trending topics on Yahoo, we have much bigger things to worry about.  The top five trending topics, as of 8:15 CST on 10/30/12, are a pathetic mishmash of search terms.  I’ve listed them below.  You are hurting my feelings, Yahoo searchers.

“Lil Wayne Scolded.”

First of all, the use of the word “scolded,” in this title makes it seem innocuous and silly to me.  By whom?  His mother?  Because I feel as though a mom is really the only one that scold appropriately.  But no, this wasn’t his mother.  Instead, a judge is apparently upset with Lil Wayne as he was too busy having seizures to attend his ongoing trial regarding a dispute around his music.  Two things to note here – I do not know if Lil Wayne is at fault here because I refuse to look further into it.  The other is that I use the term music loosely here, as I don’t understand how this guy has the following he has.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually a big fan of rap.  However, muttering a lot of words really quickly completely unrelated to the great beat behind you does not make you a rapper.  It makes you annoying.  And apparently gets you scolded.

“Ian Ziering.”

The fuck???  Is it 1997?  Am I in Hewitt Hall, bemoaning my 10AM class and waiting for Papa John’s pizza?  Because I’m pretty sure that was the last time Ian Ziering was relevant to anything.  He was the least liked character on an extremely popular TV show in the 90’s.  It’s IAN ZIERING. How many people could possibly care that he’s expecting another child?  I mean, I wish them all the best and such, but folks?  The last episode of Beverly Hills, 90210 aired in 2000.  If your last film credit is more than 12 years ago, as far as I’m concerned, you are no more famous than my cat.

“Kelsey Grammer Baby.”

So, Kelsey Grammer has a 3 month old baby.  Whom he decided to bring, along with his wife, to a Halloween party at the Playboy Mansion over the weekend.  According the very busy, opinionated, vicious mongers who spend inordinate amounts of time commenting on Yahoo’s top stories, this was a grievious, disgusting error that is going to take years of therapy later on in baby Faith’s life to overcome.  Folks?  A little perspective here?  Faith doesn’t know she has feet.  I sincerely doubt she’s going to remember sleeping through a party.  The fact that she was conceived when her father was nearly sixty and her mother was barely out of her twenties is probably going to fuck her psyche up a lot more than being in the same room with Hugh Hefner as an infant.

“Donald Trump.”

I hate Donald Trump.  I hate his smugness, I hate his hair, I hate his T.V. shows.  But most of all, I hate his recent disgusting attempt at making it look as though the President would forgo a charity millions of dollars.  Wait, I take that back.  Most of all, I hate that he used a hurricane to try and resurrect his ridiculous publicity fail.  You sir, are not God.  Nor are you the President.  You are filthy rich and an extremely successful businessman. Last I checked, that does not give you the power to play reindeer games with the leader of the free world.  You will never be that powerful and I hope someone shaves your stupid head in your sleep and hacks your Twitter account.

“Cloud Atlas Flop.”

Whaaaa??  A multimillion dollar Hollywood film fell ridiculously short of expectations?  That never happens!!!  I’m not opining on the movie itself because A) I haven’t seen it and B) I think it looks kind of cool.  (A bad sign for Cloud Atlas.  I also loved every second of Twilight, have never seen Star Wars, and can recite every word to Billy Madison and Mallrats.  I have horrible taste in movies.)  Regardless – again – who cares?  Tom Hanks and Halle Berry are probably going to rebound.  I say that’s what you get for trying to sell a powerful love story that spans multiple fantasy worlds to an audience that watches an unlikable child, rich housewives, and a show called “Duck Dynasty” on a regular basis.  What did you expect, Hollywood?  We’re too dumbed down for this.

The internet is making us dumber, friends.  There’s such an abundance of information that we get caught up in the completely trivial and overlook the important, not vice versa.  Unfortunately, as I just looked at the five most recent Yahoo searches on my phone and they are, “Key and Peele,” “Rules to Shitter,” “Angel Cubs 2003,” “Mike Jersey Shore,” and “Famous Song by Don Henely,” I’m in no position to launch stones out of my glass house.

Off to hang my head in shame somewhere.  At least go vote next week, okay?